Romance in tough times
This past Sunday afternoon my friend Richie from up the street came by to watch our favorite pro team, the Colts, smash the Arizona Cardinals in Week III of the new NFL season (MMIX, I guess … the NFL loves roman numerals).
So the Colts are indeed crushing the Cardinals, in Arizona, as predicted. Peyton Manning is well on his way to four touchdown passes, and Richie and I are well on our way to making a large dent in a small cooler of Bud and Corona. Richie drinks Bud and I drink Corona with lime, and he always snickers at this, but I don’t care.
Anyway, there’s absolutely no suspense left in the game, and Richie should be happy with the Colts still undefeated, but I look over at him and he’s pulled a newspaper clipping out of his pocket and is reading it with a big frown on his mug. I ask him what’s wrong and he just shakes his head and hands me the clipping. It’s a Honolulu Advertiser article, from last week. The headline is “In recession readers are buying sexy paperbacks as cheap entertainment."
I ask Richie, “So?”
“It’s Noelle.” That’s his wife. “She’s buying more of those romance novels than ever before.”
“Then the headline’s right,” I say. “So what’s the problem?”
“She’s got so many now they’ve taken over our bedroom. And yesterday she asked me for twenty dollars so she could buy some more. I think she’s making our personal recession a little worse. She’s eating them up like they’re popcorn. And that’s all she reads, except for Cosmo.”
“What, only twenty dollars? That's a lot cheaper than dinner out and a movie.”
“No no no, the books put her in a romantic mood, which means I also need to take her out to dinner. And the show.” He sighs. “Then we go back home, back where we started in the first place!”
Poor Richie. It's always something with him. I nod my sympathy. Then I scan the article for some clues to help my friend. “It says readers are just looking for an escape from their money troubles. But look here, it says the romance books guarantee a happy ending.”
“Yeah,” Richie says, “so what?”
“Come on, you can’t argue with a happy ending. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?” Just then Peyton Manning throws his fourth touchdown pass of the day and I start pointing at the TV screen. “See there? Happy ending! The Colts are winning again, and this time’s it’s not a squeaker like that Dolphins game.”
“Now that was a happy ending,” Richie says. “I love those last minute touchdown drives. And he threw the winning pass to that French waiter guy, Pierre Garcon. Now there’s a weird football name. But the guy is fast!”
Richie’s mood has brightened. I’ve made the weird connection in his head between reading romance novels and watching football. Just then his cell phone goes off and I hear him saying “Hey, babe. How did you guys do?” It’s a women’s soccer team that Noelle plays on out at Waipio, and they’re not actually guys, but I guess Richie is using the generic “guys.”
“That’s great,” he says, “way to go. The Colts are winning too.”
“Hey," I say, "ask her about why she reads romance novels. Go on, ask her. Ask her if it’s just an escape from the recession.”
Richie gives me a look, but he’s in a good mood, so he relays the question to Noelle, then a moment later he smiles and says, “You tell him, babe.” He hands the phone to me, and Noelle says, “Hey, I’m looking for the happy endings, just like life.”
I jump up out of my chair and do a goofy little end zone victory dance. I stop short of spiking Richie’s phone onto the floor. Richie fishes another Corona out of the cooler and trades it for the phone. Then he pulls a lime slice out of the bowl on the table and throws it to me hard like he’s Peyton Manning and I’m Reggie Wayne or Pierre Garcon. I make a one-handed catch over my head.
I hear Richie talking to Noelle some more, while I watch the Colts write another happy ending to Week III of Season MMIX. Some days life is so sweet, and so uncomplicated.
Tags: Peyton Manning, Romance, Sports
