Making lists and breaking rules ...
Here’s a rule I invite you to break. When you’re writing fiction, never put a list in your story. The reader, who wants to get on with the action, does not want to stop and read a list, will be annoyed, and probably will skip over the list. Even if you love making lists yourself, and even if it’s the hired killer’s list of people to knock off that day, or the heroine’s list of guys who might be worth giving her time and heart to, resist the temptation and keep the list out of the story.
Okay, now that we’re all clear about this rule, let’s break it. I broke it a few years ago in a novel that actually got published and some people read. One reader, a friend, even told me that she especially enjoyed reading the list (I know I have strange friends, but you have to respect your readers!). After hearing that comment I felt better about breaking the rule. The list, of course, survived the sharp eyes of my editor before making its way into print. But you be the judge.
This rascal list occurs in the 13th chapter of Queen of the Rodeo, in which the cowboy will return from the rodeo circuit to Reno and Donna Cooper (the title character and his new sweetheart). While Donna waits for the cowboy’s return, life goes on in Reno, and I make the reader wait along with my heroine for a couple of pages while the narrator presents The List.
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Before Tyler Griffin returned to Reno, to see his rodeo queen, a bunch of stuff happened. You could say that a series of happenings occurred, or that a random sequence of events transpired, but it was really just a bunch of stuff. You could study it all, and try to make sense of it, even attempt to present it in some orderly fashion. It would be more realistic, however, just to slap it all down, the way you jot down items on a grocery list. A few people use a preprinted shopping list, with different categories like vegetables, canned goods, dairy products, and so on, but most folks just grab an old envelope and write down items as they pop into their heads. Speed is what you’re looking for with a shopping list. And, with the Texas steer wrestler’s return getting closer, speed is what’s needed in this account of the bunch of stuff that happened in his absence. So here it is, in no particular order.
1. Donna worked for five nights at the Lucky Cowboy Saloon & Dance Hall. She made some good tips and watched out for wild cowboys, as Rooster had advised. Oh yeah, she broke off her engagement to Darryl King at the Lucky Cowboy. She was pleased that Darryl seemed to take it so well. He looked hurt, of course, but not surprised, and he didn’t make a big scene. Darryl just blinked his eyes and nodded his head for a while. Then he stood up and walked out the door before Donna could say another word.
2. Celia Moon tried to strike a balance between playing classical tapes and western tapes at Stella’s. As a result, you never knew what you were going to hear when you walked into the bakery. While you were there you could start your coffee with Wolfgang and end it with Willie. Celia said it kept the customers on their toes.
3. A summer heat wave paid a visit to Reno, with the temperature in the nineties for six days in a row. Folks took to washing their cars and trucks more often, if only to turn the hoses on themselves and their hot friends and loved ones. There were some shiny pickups around town that week.
4. The Coyote Bar & Grill introduced a new item on its menu, a hot Texas chili best complemented by a cold Lone Star, and said to have been some rodeo cowboy’s mother’s secret recipe. Donna took some of her friends there to try it. She claimed to know nothing about how the cook at the Coyote got hold of the recipe.
5. Donna received a large bag of macadamia nuts in the mail one day, with a thank-you note from the Australian she had met at the Blackjack table at the Eldorado. Donna gave some of these to Celia, who came up with a macadamia cream pie, which she introduced at Stella’s to rave reviews.
6. Rooster landed a new job with a local security company, an authentic, honest-to-God full-time job. He celebrated by buying Celia Moon two new tapes for Stella’s, one featuring water music by George Handel and the other featuring cowboy music by George Strait.
7. Kathy Bonham, Donna’s friend at the Lucky Cowboy, found some old high school pictures of Donna, but chose not to embarrass her by showing them around, thus placing friendship above amusement.
8. Mel and Harm, the Johnson twins, placed an ad in a cattle ranchers’ magazine, looking for identical twin brothers who loved horses and ranching and would like to meet identical twin cowgirls.
9. Celia followed up on her plan to introduce Rooster to poetry. She eased him into it by beginning with cowboy poetry, deciding to hold the more difficult kind for later. It promised to be another eclectic experience for Rooster Cooper.
10. Teri Autrey heard about Mel and Harm’s ad and was inspired to write a new song about the twins, called “Seeing Double”:
Now a cowgirl can be a problem
When she’s riding around in your mind,
Other thoughts fade away, you can look night and day,
And her face is all that you find.
But there’s a couple of cowgirls I know,
Out in Reno they’re working these days,
They’re identical twins, they ride like the wind,
And those cowgirls have wonderful ways.
Refrain
You’ll think that you’re seeing double
When they race right into your heart,
They’re a couple of mighty fast cowgirls
And it’s time for your headaches to start.
Well, their mama named the first one Melody,
And their daddy gave Harmony her name,
Born two minutes apart, and folks knew from the start
That those two girls would chase after fame.
They chased cattle and later chased cowboys,
They could race around barrels all day,
Now a barrel stands still, they roped cattle at will,
But the cowboys would just run away.
Refrain
You’ll think that you’re seeing double
When they race right into your heart,
They’re a couple of mighty fast cowgirls
And it’s time for your headaches to start.
Now a cowboy knows he has his hands full
When a cowgirl comes into his life,
She’ll slide into his dreams, and often, it seems,
She can end up becoming his wife.
But if it’s twins that come riding his way,
He’s outnumbered and hasn’t a chance,
They’ll quickly surround him, ride circles around him,
Then rope him to just watch him dance.
Refrain
You’ll think that you’re seeing double
When they race right into your heart,
They’re a couple of mighty fast cowgirls
And it’s time for your headaches to start.
11. An old cowboy was out by himself one night, down below Carson City, when he spotted a UFO cruising above the desert. He thought about reporting the incident, but when he looked at the half empty whiskey bottle in his hand he decided against the idea. A couple of days later, however, he did relay the information to a friend, who happened to be driving up to Reno later that day, and the friend stopped in at Stella’s for a cup of coffee and something sweet, and Celia asked him what was new and he passed on the UFO story to her. Celia, who had heard a hundred of these stories from customers, poured the cowboy another cup of coffee and remarked that the aliens probably intend to return Elvis and are just looking for a place to land.
It was that kind of week in Reno. Busier than most, but no clear theme running through it. Some seeds were planted, of course, although it was difficult to say which ones would come up. Would Rooster, who had never pursued a career of any kind before, succeed in the security business? Were there identical twin brothers on a ranch somewhere who read all the ads in the cattle ranchers’ magazine and were open to the idea of courting identical twin cowgirls? And would the aliens find a place to land? Only time would tell.
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The list ends there. Tyler rides back into Reno and straight into Donna’s arms. The main story resumes. If I've lost any readers, it probably already happened back in chapter one, which includes no lists. What was I thinking in chapter 13? I remember wanting to give Donna and Tyler a strong setting, a Reno community of friends, and strangers. I suspect that I was also indulging my desire to play at the keyboard. If I thought about breaking a rule, I probably laughed and charged ahead, dragging the poor reader with me down that long numbered trail of stuff that happened. And no, in case you’re wondering, my songwriting career has not taken off.
